Sorry for completely redoing this site and abandoning it for months. Here's an update, I guess?
I've been in a bit of a creative rut these past few weeks. I have struggled to write fic, original or fanworks, but I've forced myself into more lyrical works. I've taken on the poetry open mic at my workplace, so I've been trying to write more poetry. Also, there's an arts studio that runs poetry circles that have been very inspiring for my poetry. I've also written a couple fun, silly songs. Probably nothing I'll share, but who knows. It all feels surface level. Nothing I've created lately has been my best. I haven't even made any jewelry or crocheted at all in…months.
While frustrating, I think all creatives understand the rut. Being stuck with no motivation, even when there's inspiration. I've found I just need to ride it out. Wait the weeks, or months, and hope for something to strike me. I have a few projects I'm looking forward to exploring whenever I have the energy to dive into them. I think my brain has been overloaded with personal and work-related things, and that's taken its toll on my creativity. It'll return to me, but for now, I'm frustrated.
An acquaintance of mine pointed out how my "brand" of writing is typically negative, sad, angry, or just unpleasant topic-wise. He loves my work, but he sparked a challenge in me to create something positive. I wrote some love-adjacent poems and a happier song. I'm not super happy with any of it, but I don't dislike them. It's a good exercise, though. I appreciate the chance to explore my craft in new ways. I love to create beauty from the ugly, but sometimes beauty can just exist. I want to learn to capture that beauty in words, instead of romanticizing the bad all the time.
It's like I have a knack for slipping into negative speech in my work, though. Even when I write about love, I touch on feeling used or not enough. When I write about non-love connections, I touch on all the things we're not. It might be a problem to address in therapy lol…but I'm recognizing that in myself now. Maybe journaling would help. It could put my life into perspective for me because I'm pretty content at the moment. All things considered, my life isn't bad right now. I like where I'm at, and love the direction my plans are heading. I should write about those positive things. But "should" isn't the best thing to pressure myself with. I want to. I want to write positively. I want to express joy. I'm trying. I'm also giving myself grace because it's so difficult.
I have plans to move across the country with my partners, who just moved there themselves. It feels unreal that in 5 months I'll be out of the Midwest for good. In the meantime, I'm enjoying time with the group of people I care about in the area. We go out and do activities, or sit at each other's places and talk. It's good. I'm so good.
(Why does it feel like I'm living in a dream?)
I wonder how I'll look back on this time in my life with little creation and lots of socializing. I wonder if I'll regret anything. If I'll even miss it when I'm gone. I've met some amazing people and grown closer to so many awesome people I've already known. I feel overflowing with the love and care and appreciation. There's some not great things, but overall, not much to complain about. I'm grateful. Maybe I should practice gratitude in my journal. That could be a similarly good exercise in positivity.
I've read and watched so many great things since I last posted as well. Maybe some reviews will pop up if I have the energy to dive in deep and review something. I also fear I suck at reviewing, but it is what it is. This is for free and fun, so who cares if I suck?
I'm running out of steam, so I'm gonna end this here. Thanks for reading, if you checked in with me here. Hopefully I'll have some writing to share soon. Or a review. Or another pointless thinkpiece. Whatever it is, I hope you'll join me. <3